A few jokes from my father in-law...

1) "Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord, ' God, what does a million years mean to you?'
The Lord replies, 'A minute.' Smith asks, 'And what does a million dollars mean to you?' The Lord replies, 'A penny.' Smith asks, 'Can I have a penny?' The Lord replies, 'In a minute.' "

2) "A man goes to see the Rabbi. 'Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it.' The Rabbi asked, 'What's wrong?' The man replied, 'My wife is poisoning me.' The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, 'How can that be?' The man then pleads, 'I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me. What should I do?' The Rabbi then offers, 'Tell you what. Let me talk to her. I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know.'

A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says. 'I spoke to your wife on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?' The man said yes, and the Rabbi replied, 'Take the poison."

Last but not least, "Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should get used to the idea.


Not sure if this is a real commercial but it sure the hell made me want to become a construction worker! Warning R rated...
Sexy Commercial For Construction Clothes


Oddly Enough News Article | Reuters.com: "A Florida man has confessed to bludgeoning his roommate to death with a sledgehammer handle and a claw hammer after an argument that started over an empty roll of toilet paper, authorities said Tuesday."

Thank god this guy was never my roommate, he would have used a chainsaw on me for snoreing!

Hazardous Material

This is from break.com, funny as hell, but boy it's going to get me in trouble with the woman in my life, especially my wife!


The Bear

A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.
One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it to their particular religion.
Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the experience. Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages, goes first.
"Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation!!!"
Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and Both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, "WELL brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to him from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to rassle. We rassled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a crick. So I quick DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the week in fellowship, feasting on God's Holy Word, and praising Jesus."
They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in bad shape. The rabbi looks up and says,

"You fellows don't even know what trouble is until you try to circumcise a bear"
iWon - Celebrity Gossip - New York Post: "WALL ST. SCION IN TAX PROTEST
MULTI-millionaire blueblood Charles Merrill has devised a novel way to protest President Bush's proposed constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage: He's stopped paying his taxes."


cbs2chicago.com: Chicago news, weather, traffic: Boy Charged With Felony For Powdered Sugar: "(CBS) AURORA Police in Aurora have confirmed that a 12-year-old boy who said he brought powdered sugar to school for a science project last week has been charged with a felony for possessing a look-alike drug."

MMM... it seems that the Aurora PD have forgotten the most important tool in police work, COMMON SENSE!


And the idiot of the week is.... Brandon McDonald!

kare11.com :: KARE 11 TV - Burglar gets caught sleeping on a job: "Brandon McDonald. The Brooklyn Center man is behind bars on $35,000 bail charged with first degree burglary. He's accused of breaking into an occupied home in Champlin, but before he made off with his loot police say he fell asleep in the sun room."


Super Bowl Commercials 2006 - Break.com

Ok this is from Break.com aka:big-boys.com, So we all love those super bowl commercials right? Well here are a few real ones that the TV Network choose to ban. What do you think, to racy or just funny?

PS Here is another commercial that ABC shot down. It's called milkgonewild.com put on by PETA. It starts off quite funny but takes a dark/startling turn, so be forewarned. When I originally posted the link I had only seen the first part of the clip and thought it was funny.
The Best Of BUSH!

When the bush leaves office he may have a chance as a stand up comedian.


So a little while ago I mentioned the Vampire who's running for governor in Minnesota, well this guy is now my Idiot of the Week! Why, well if you have two felony warrants for your arrest it may not be a good ideal to go on local and national TV promoting yourself! Of course with two felonys he would still be behind (on the felony count that is) most Republican politicians now days. Nuff Said